Rise ‘ N’ Shine!
My fellow K9’s l address this post to you, just in case you are not altogether familiar with one of your most basic roles as a Household Security Technician aka HST. The two leggeds will read this as well no doubt; sadly they cannot keep their beady eyes away from private internal communications, so we will just have to take that risk.
Picture the scene if you can and if you cannot, then read on and learn!
”It’s 1am, go away!”
…. A little while later …
”For goodness sake, it’s 2am, what’s wrong with you?”
…. Again a little while later … [keep continual rhythm]
”Heey there …”
” What, do you need the toilet? You were here, what twenty minutes ago?”
Your parents will get up at this point, and befuddle their way to let you out into the garden. If you wish to go out and take advantage of this moment, do so, if however you do not, and it is only part of your Patrol for HST, then stand at the door and look at them quizzically almost challengingly!
Once they realise you do not wish to do your business, then let them return to their bedding … and wait, l find an hour of their time is ample. They have usually settled back into their warm little cuddle caves and soon the gentle breathing can be heard. They are at peace again.
”You have got to be kidding me, what is it, what time is it now, oh good grief Doods, it’s only 3.30am, what’s going on with you? Do you need to go out again?”
Don’t answer them, just stand there in the darkness and look at them, they will know you are staring and get up.
[Wash, rinse and repeat this process until you feel comfortable, when they are absolutely awake, retire to your own bed contented that you have completely and unerringly fulfilled your task as HST and sleep for an hour or three!]
Now, some nights irrelevant to how much sleep l have had during the night or during the day, it is imperative for my parents ’to know and understand their ranking status in our household. Yes, it is OUR household, you must remember this. You don’t pay bills, But and it is a big But, you are their indoor security system. You are part of one of the most advanced K9 units known to two legged kind, and they, because sadly on Patrol Nights like this, it does become a you and they scenario, THEY are not to forget it. Because they do and frequently! Your job is to remind them of who you are, what you are capable of.
Ps – always remember when in the process of waking them up or disturbing them – to make as much noise as possible to ensure you have their attentions! Door banging, pretending to be sick, or maybe even go through the motion of doing the toilet in extreme cases!
So stand tall, my fellow K9’s, we are a breed of pride – we have a dirty job to do, but someone has got to!
Other occasions to keep your two leggeds on their toes with Patrol Nights, Days, and Afternoons include;
1] Two legged mating times, mm yes, nothing is sacred in the household, and you are only doing a job.
2] During live sports occasions, or favourite programme times. Yes l hear they have live pause facilities now, so what is their problem?
3] In the car on long journeys – yes, you are still on Patrol Duty even then.
Remember, you are never off duty even if they are! Never feel embarrassed at having to carry out this safety check!
I welcome K9 comments here, so please do if you feel inclined! We must share our experiences if we are ever to achieve total power over ‘them, they and the others!
Thanks for reading, catch you later! More Basic tips soon …
Tootle pip from Doodlepip