Salty Sea Dogs’n’Gulls!
Occasionally some people ask Mummy and Dad why l am always on the lead? Well two reasons really – one, because since the arrival of IVDD into my life, the vet has told them, that l must never be off lead in case l run and take an injury to my spine and two, more importantly that sadly when l am ‘off’ the lead, l sort of go into a ‘chase me trance or l should be correct and say l chase you trance!!’
There was a time when we lived on the Isle of Wigit that Mummy thought she would ‘attempt to train me’ off lead and for a while it worked really well … until the time … that it didn’t!
Training Days started like this!
You see, l do try and tell them, that when l am off lead l am my own free spirit, and that l love to feel the wind in my ears, and smell the sea air, and hear the beautiful noise that the receding waves make when they retreat back into the seas, and yes l do like to see some of the natural wildlife in its own habitat …
And Coming Back To Mummy’s Call!!
Where l live currently l have a sort of an on-going feud with a few of the local residents … l will in time introduce them all to you, but it’s not everyone that l have problems with, it’s just a few – notably the winged ones, the ones l have come to learn are actually called ‘birds!’ These ones l have big problems with, mostly because they are on my land. It’s my garden not theirs, and despite Dad saying l should learn to share … l do of sorts, but they just irk me!
Not the small ones, l am more than willing to share with them, it’s the big ones! Dad says that they are also allowed to be in ‘my garden’ as much as they are, but you know, they just sort of rankle with my sense of balance! They are too big for my garden, so when l see them, l run them off and bark at them “Get off my land!!”
The seagulls very rarely come to ground, but they are constantly squawking, noisy sods! I am used to them, as l used to chase them off the sands when in Isle of Wigit! Crows, WELL them l really hate because they are the ones that used to steal my giant Kong’s and drop them in all sorts of places and then there are the pigeons, and they are always in the garden, stealing the bird seed away from the smaller birds! I feel it is an obligated duty of mine to perform as often as l see them so as to ensure the safety and sanctuary of the smaller birds to ensure they have peace and quiet!
One particular pigeon, who we shall call Percy and his missus, is by far the most annoying of them all. I think he thinks it highly funny to swoop down onto the ground and taunt me if l am enjoying some quiet time on my lawns! So he and l share a feud of sorts! He lands, and l chase him off!
Only the other day l had the last laugh! For he landed in the garden, at the far side of the bushy mound, but didn’t know l was on the other side! He landed just below the bird feeder and was attempting to fly up to it when l sprang! In his panicked haste he flew right into the feeder and knocked it to the ground, but nearly tumbled with it! Anyway, he made a strange sound indeed when he regained his bearings and took off to the top the greenhouse! Ironically l have not seen him for the last few days! Maybe, just maybe he is figuring l am not some back of the garden canine who is dumber than a box of muddy tadpoles!
[See Bottom photo of disgruntled Percy and laugh!!]
On the Isle of Wigit, l would often come up against the Salty’s and the Crowsters! The Crowsters were a funny rum old bunch of winged annoyances, but l never once got close enough to teach them to NOT steal my Kong’s!
But the Salty’s, mm, well they are the reason that l was no longer allowed off lead! You see it all happened one day in Wigit ….
Mummy used to use cheese [ Yummy love cheese!!!!] to train me. She would unclip my lead from my safety harness and let me run along the sands when the tide was out in Appley. She would call me back and give me a cube of cheese for being a good girl. Now the problem with this is – as much as l love and adore cheese, if the Salty’s were on the sands, they would tease me!
“Oy stupid seely dwog, wotcha doin on owr sandegrownds?” or “Heey fwurry fing, seely fing u awr, betcha cawnt geet aus!” Which as you can imagine to a smart K9 like l am, is a little insulting! So l used to run at them, and they would take off and then land a little further, so l would then run further and further away to catch them! BUT, that’s the thing about winged things, they can fly and l cannot!
So, they would take off, land, take off, land, and take off and land and l would run and stop, and chase and run, and stop and chase, and run and stop and chase! But sometimes, l was as fast if not faster than they thought l was, so they would take off and just fly low over the sea waves, and so l would just, run, and run, and run and … well you get the jist!
Typical Training Day, Mummy would walk after me as l ran!
And l would come back, so you get the jist of Training days?
The problem is that this one particular day that is exactly what l did. Mummy was calling me back, and yes, sorry it’s true … l ignored her. But honestly if you had heard the things they were calling me, well you would’ve probably ignored your Mummy as well! They had to be taught a lesson!
Some days however, l sort of tranced out and would just race after the Salty’s!!
…and disappear down the beach into the sunset!!
Mummy’s voice was just a tiny squeak that day, but suddenly l heard another voice and it was Dads!!! I took a quick glance around and l could see Dad running after me. I mustn’t laugh, but l had to, it was really funny, even the Salty’s were laughing. BUT, they started calling Dad really bad names as well and they were laughawking! [Which is Salty’s version of laughing] I got REALLY mad then, and upped my speed a level, and so did they.
A quick look behind me and Dad whilst running had taken off his heavy jacket and thrown it into the sand behind him! [It was an awesome move, l have to say, as it was done in one swift movement!] Dad started yelling in an even higher voice and running, it was fantastic! I had never ever and even more ever seen Dad move that fast he was like a wet greyhound!! His face was bright red, his eyes almost popping out of his head! But then the naughty side to me came into action, and l thought l wonder ‘Just’ how fast Dad can run? So l upped my speed up another two levels!
Now Dad, is not as fast as me, he never will be, back then he used to stick these smoky sticks into his mouth and l think they sort of slowed him down a bit, but he was really, really, really running! So by now, the Salty’s and l were racing Dad!
We were going so, so very fast, and l could see that Mummy was way back and was a tiny speck!! Dad, was doing pretty well considering he is not a ninja K9 like me! But l could hear him yelling something … “For something sake, stop you ruddy fool!! Something hofferkraff!!”
The “Something hofferkraff!!”
I am not sure what that actually meant, but up ahead l could see a huge thing on the beach, moving really fast! It was like a giant balloon on top of a food bowl and it was dancing on top the waves heading for the sand banks!! It was awesome, and l thought “Wowee that deserves a closer look!!” But l made the mistake of stopping to look at it, and when l decided to run again, l heard Dad shout really loud …. “STOP NOW!” Well it startled me so much that by the time l had got my running legs back on; Dad had almost jumped onto me!!
Not nice for a lady like me to be pounced on by a totally out of breath and pooped Dad! Once he had me, he just hugged me?? I was like “Wow, you were so angry and now you are hugging me, maybe l should do this running off more often?”
However since that particular day, l have not been off lead. Dad explained to me on the long, long, long walk back to Mummy, that the thing he was shouting about was the Ryde Hovercraft, that would have killed me dead, outright, really quickly had l continued running, was only sixty feet away when he caught me!
Strange, l never saw sixty feet!!? Two leggeds say the funniest things! But also how could a giant balloon kill me dead, outright?
Anyway, when we got back to Mummy, [and picking up Dad’s really wet sandy coat!] l could tell that she was not impressed with me at all! I didn’t even get my cheese for coming back!!
So that’s what happened, and it is one of the main reasons, l am not allowed off lead anymore … because of something with sixty feet that looked like a giant balloon?
I know go figure eh?
And now that the truth is out, Dad is sitting here shaking his head in absolute disbelief, mouthing to me that “I thought it might be funny?!”
I best sign off now, looks like he is getting ready to go …. Mm, think someone needs a doggy cuddle.
On that note…
Tootle pip from Doodlepip!
[Tomorrow we will talk about The Ranger!!] Dad, wait up …. Oh come on Dad, it was a long time ago …
• Isle of Wigit = Isle of Wight
Ha, ha ha and even Mawahahaha! Unhappy Percy on greenhouse, see the fallen bird feeder on the ground near the tree? “Got a headache Percy??”