Fourpawson In Situ!
Who Needs A Fourman When You Have Fourpawson?!
Recently l was asked, what other roles we K9 dawgs must perform for our 2 leggeds.
It’s a very fair question in all honesty, the list is actually endless, if not for our very presence l sometimes wonder how the 2 legged race as a species have survived for so long??!
Over time l will introduce other vital roles both within and outside the home front, however for today, one very important role is our ‘actual presence’ in times of complexity’, especially when they are building things with their paws!!
Now my Mummy is gifted at this, my Dad … mmm, how do we once again try and describe Dad’s practical ability and more so with the likes of construction? In simplistic terms, we can’t! Dad even at his own concession is not practical! He does a bit of gardening which he is suited for, because it’s not overly complicated, he can vacuum the house, the machinery is not taxing his patience too much. Admittedly l have even seen him operate the Titan, which is an aggressive beast used for reducing twigs and branches into dust and chip – but that is similar to the vacuum – so no great hardship in truth.
Another example is this – Mummy doesn’t even entrust the lawn mower to him, because why? Yes, exactly my fellow K9’s, he thinks it’s funny to not do pawfectly straight lines, and thinks it might look better wonky!! WONKY! I ask of you, what can you do with them, you can’t live with them, and you have to put up with them! Honestly l don’t know how the Mummies of this world put up with their Dads without killing them at least twice a week!!
Wonky indeed, everyone knows the lines must be straight and even, there is a delectable art to mowing the lawn properly and WONKY isn’t it!
But that’s my Dad, you might not have a Dad like mine, maybe yours is more practical, but my Dad isn’t – he is more, what does Mummy say? Oh yes an akkademik, whatever that is? So now he is an Asbee Akkademik! He is very good working his boxes on the desk though and making tapping sounds onto the very same desk with his paws which must be very strong indeed, thinking on it!
Occasionally Mummy ‘watches and observes’ Dad at work, she says this is her Four Man role, which is very strange, because even with my limited understanding of the 2 legged species, l thought a Four Man would be the male of the species and surely there would have to be four of them? Upon further requests Mummy says that to be correct it is to be termed Fourpawson, which sounds a lot like ‘four paws on’ and l had to ask, why she needed to be called a four paws on, when l already have four paws on at no extra cost?
Two legged language is just soooo confusing, don’t you think? Why do they need another four paws on, when l am here? I am four paws anyway! So persistence paid off in this case, and Mummy totally explained the role of the four paws on! And so since then, l am the official Fourpawson for our family!
It’s a very exciting role, and one of the uttermost importance – for it involves all sorts of ‘right’s and l am a dawg that loves rights, especially for other K9’s like me, but it means that l simply have to be everywhere when any important construction work or working is afoot, which is even stranger a word, so l now say apaw, because that is what l have and let’s be honest if anyone has the right to be right about rights and paws, then it can only be for the one who actually has real furry ones?
Basically it involves me being on site and in location, and watching all the undertakings that might be on-going, so if Dad is gardening, l watch him very shrewdly, and if l think there is something apaw, l am there in the way, demanding attention so that he stops what he is doing and looks at me quizzically. I give him a Doodlepip stare that reads “What do you think you are doing?”
Other times, my stare reflects probing querying stances like “Are you out of your mind, why on earth are you doing it like that?”
Dad constantly jibes l am just in his way and causing an obstacle and says all l am doing is demanding fuss from him, but that’s because he didn’t know until today whilst writing this story that Mummy and l had this special talk! But l am not going to deny the truth that if l get fuss l am angry, or if l manage to stop work and indulge in a bit of play time, after all Fourpawson l may well be, but l am STILL the most important dawggy K9 in their lives and they must NEVER forget that, work or not!!
Mummy is not exempt from my attentions either, after all the role cannot simply adhere to Dad alone, so if Mummy is otherwise occupied and not paying attention to me in or out of my official role, then l must draw attention to this flaw!
It’s like the time that she was making Dads’ shelving units … l told you he is NOT practical, so anything like that Mummy builds for many reasons;
1] Job gets done properly and correctly
2] Task is taken on seriously and not with the intention of making things wonky!
3] Construction is carried out in a sensible not profane manner [yes Dad can swear something horrible when things not going his way or he becomes frustrated with ‘fiddly things’!!]
4] Mummy uses the instruction booklet or as she calls them the Destruction booklets, whereas for some reason Dad doesn’t seem to think they are applicable or even necessary? Worse than that he seemingly believes he can construct anything because he a male of the 2 legged variety? Dad forgets he has no patience for fiddly things and by that, well that can refer to anything from the actual unit to be constructed to a small tack!!
Mummy is easier to manipulate to playtime interruptions than Dad is! To Mummy l am not just an obstacle in the way of his working but a valuable Fourpawson!
There have been many, many times when l have been actively involved with my paws on approach to important tasks within this household, during Dad’s gardening and composting, through to Mummy’s mowing of the pawfect back garden lawn, to helping with the shopping, to assisting with the vacuuming and the dusting, to ensuring that shower time is safe and practical, that painting and decorating is carried out with lots of loose fur and also not forgetting that it is of the utmost importance to be in the exact spot in the kitchen and to learn to become thick skinned and as such absorbent to the various insults that may be issued in my direction during the pawfectioning of my role!
“For goodness sake Doods, why there, why now, why??”
“Blimey Doodlepip, l nearly stuck you with the pitchfork, get outa the way!”
“Doods you are in the way … again, move your furry bum!”
“Doodlepip, why are you sitting there, l am cooking you lunatic, l nearly tripped bum over boob!” [I have made that one a little politer to Dad’s variant!!]
You have to learn my fellow K9’s that if you are awarded this very meaningful position, then the things to remember with clarity are these:
1] Always be where they least expect you to be!
2] Always be where you shouldn’t be, to ensure they are not trying to pull a fast one!
3] It IS irrelevant to how difficult you make their jobs, you are after all the Fourpawson and as such you know best!!
4] When they say NO, so do you!!
5] Never relent in your in dogged persistence for the search for exceptional quality – it is imperative to remember that one at all times!
6] When they say MOVE – Don’t – it’s a clever 2 legged ploy!
7] NEVER EVER let them demote you from this role, even if they say, it is not essential to the household! It is always essential!!
The following photographs clearly display the importance of the Fourpawson role, taken by Dad whilst Mummy was constructing the infamous DVD units!
Until the next time…
Tootle pip from Doodlepip!
Discussing The position of construction!
Playtime once decision reached!
Playtime is enjoyable once decision is reached!
Carefully supervise the unpacking of construction!
You are there to advise if required!
Choose a location for both fuss, awkwardness, advice and observation carefully – you are NEVER in the way!! [Even if they say you are!!]
Don’t EVER let them think you are NOT there or that you are not in control of their situation!
Always remember, as a Four-paws-on, that may include your furry behind as well!!!
Power To The Bark!!